I Wanna Gnu

We all experience that embarrassing moment, singing along loudly to the radio when suddenly the person you're with crumbles in a fit of giggles.

"What?" you implore. When your friend finally returns to a state of forced decorum, you are informed that the lyrics to "The Lazy Song" do not, in fact, include "Oh my gosh, Mr. Grey" at any point.  And it dawns on you that, "Oh my gosh, this is great!" makes so much more sense.

Okay, that one probably only happened to me.  But stuff like that happens to Kirk all the time.  I wish I had kept a 12 year log of all the lyrics he's messed up.  But "Let me see those hands" ("Let me see those Hanes" -- Ke$ha) comes quickly to mind.

Still, none of the ones I have heard firsthand can even hold a candle to his recent true confession.

Imagine elementary school Kirk, adorably geeky with a side-part in his hair.  (Okay, picture Adam with a side-part...) Two of his playmates are being teased in classic grade-school fashion:

Billy and Suzie
Sitting in a tree
K-I-S-S- silent 'g'

Please take a moment to laugh hysterically at Kirk's expense.  Maybe even go mock him on his Facebook wall.  But be sure to come back, because this last story takes the cake.

An acquaintance recently recounted the story of a phone call to a woman named Jucinda.  In the course of the call, he remarked that she had an interesting name.  She explained, "My parents were huge Elvis fans, and when my mom heard that new Elvis song, she just had to name me Jucinda."

What Elvis song?!  

She continued, "You know... Return Jucinda?"

Return Jucinda
Address unknown
No such number
No such zone

And just in case I haven't ruined enough songs for you, please enjoy a couple of Fife Family favorites: