Watching Soccer

"Are you actually watching soccer?" Kirk asked me, just moments before Real Salt Lake scored their first goal in Sunday's game.

I could see where he'd gotten that impression.  I was facing the game.  My eyes were following the players.  And I had my trademark look of confusion that is generally indicative of my level of attentiveness.

So my answer was preceded with a knowing chuckle.  "Watching?  No.  Looking at?  Contemplating?  Yes.  Using the players as the jumping off point for my surmisings?  (not a word... oh well)  I was definitely doing that.  But watching soccer?  Of course not."

"I figured you weren't," he responded.  "But for a second there, it really looked like you were paying attention."  He paused expectantly, clearly wanting some insight regarding this anomaly.

I decided to fess up.

"Well, actually, I was watching the players.  I was trying to determine if their shorts are all the same length.  And if not, how did they end up that way?   Does each player get a say in the preferred length of his shorts?  And then that sent me on a tangent about the construction of the shorts.  Does Real just pick their shorts out of a catalogue, ordering the sizes and colors they want?  And then, maybe if one guy has a bit thicker waist, his shorts end up looking longer?  Or the guys with really muscley thighs end up with shorter looking shorts because their muscles take up more of the fabric?  Or does someone design the uniforms, and then the guys get measured, and the uniforms are made exactly for their size?  Because if that is the case, then all the shorts should either look exactly the same, or it would have to be intentional that they aren't the same length. Which lead me back to my original question.  Does each player get a say in the preferred length of his shorts?"

I finally paused for a breath.

Kirk laughed.  "I knew you weren't watching soccer."