5. Stocking Spree

Straight from my weird mind, I give you our new tradition: a Stocking Spree. Basically, it's a shopping spree, but you shop for others and put the items in their stocking. I gave each boy $20 and strict instructions to try to buy something really personalized. 

Adam thought for sure he'd get nothing but Hot Wheels, since he's been on that kick recently. But his brothers worked hard to put a bit more thought into it. He was pretty excited about the LEGO figure he got from Alex. I cheated and spent my $20 in Africa, and brought back - among other things - matching necklaces for Adam and Makenzie. 

I have a feeling that buying for more than just my boys may be part of the new tradition, too!

4. Yummy Bars

 

This year, I passed the Yummy Bar torch to Alex. He wanted to make them for his youth group, so I bought the ingredients and provided the recipe. He listened to each clarification I made along the way and put up all the stories and memories I interjected. I always make it sound like Yummy Bars are truly the most amazing Christmas treat ever, and I'm always surprised if their reception is a little lukewarm. 

I think the trouble is that other people can't taste the memories I have. Wrapped up in a single Yummy Bar is the smell of my Grandma's laundry room. The sound of my Uncle Butch's laugh. The excitement of the season's "laundry" arriving via mail for us to enjoy in Utah. The energy of a family game night. The loneliness in Lisa's voice when she made them on her own for the first time. The joyful chatter when Yummy Bars make their annual reappearance on the table.

I'm so glad that when I asked the kids what traditions were a must, Yummy Bars made their list.

3. Music

I put "music" on my 12 Days of Christmas list, not knowing quite what that would even end up meaning to me. And for a while, it seemed that it would mean things like crying all through the Jefferson Christmas Parade because I missed my Dickens and EYT kids so much. Or desperately wishing I had my family close so we could carol. I realized maybe I would just have to count the rehearsing we've been doing on our Christmas Eve song, but that seemed like a stretch. Sharing our talents with the Casdorphs is a tradition, but it's a Utah tradition. And the whole point of this endeavor was to establish things I can carry on with just our little clan.

Finally, I realized that it isn't a moment of music that I crave at Christmastime. It is a whole season of it. And thankfully, this season came with opportunities to meet others who share that passion. More importantly, this season came with opportunities to serve others using music. Thanks to Mrs. Katie Leigh and Ms. Dana Harrell who have welcomed me with open arms, I've been able to assist with the show choir at the high school and with the musical at the middle school. I've been able to spend time with Alex and Dylan and feel that connection we've always shared through music.

I still miss my Dickens and EYT kids like crazy. But through two whole new crops of performers, music has remained a part of my December traditions.

2. Hot Cocoa

 

Okay, so this new tradition fell prey to the classic "expectation" vs "reality" issue that - if I am being honest - has a whole lot to do with why I sometimes shut down in the face of tradition. And I'm going to be blunt here: when Dylan is one of your children, it can be extra hard not to feel that you've let the whole family down.

Bless his heart (and yes, I mean that in the Georgia way), the kid speaks his mind. Always. Even at the expense of others. It drives his brothers crazy, and they try to point out when it happens and provide him with some alternatives, but usually the damage is done.

This time, it was the candy canes. Everyone was SO excited that I had full-sized candy canes for the cocoa. I had no idea that this was going to be the focal point of the event. If I'd had known, I'd have done some things differently.

Like... not dropped the whole box at the store. And then purchased them anyway, figuring they were just for hot chocolate, so broken candy canes would actually be great.

Yeah, I wouldn't have done that.

But I did do precisely that. And Dylan made a super huge deal about it. I let it roll off my back. I'm an old pro. But he mentioned it again. And again. And again. His brothers' hints went from subtle to direct until they were looking him right in the eyes and saying, "It probably doesn't make Mom feel very good when you say those things."

And still he persisted.

I was actually doing pretty okay until after all the redirection he'd gotten from his brothers still didn't instill any compassion. Finally, I had to step in. I had no choice but to be real about it and tell Dylan that he absolutely had to stop mentioning the candy canes.

And then -- the mood shifted. Dylan understood. It was clear to everyone that I was actually fine. And the candy cane debacle became an immediate joke. One we could all share in and laugh about. 

I don't know how it happened that quickly! But I am so glad it did. I didn't ruin Christmas by being open about my feelings, and I think that lesson was one I really needed to learn.

I already made a note to purchase pristine candy canes next year. But something tells me, we'll be laughing about the year Mom bought all broken ones for a long time.

1. Ice Skating

When I asked the boys what traditions were important to them, this was the quickest, surest answer. And I wasn't surprised at all. Even though Adam broke his ankle the first time he went skating, he has since learned to love it. And having gone skating with cousins the last few Christmases in Utah, it has become a real party of our holiday fun.

The trick is finding a proper rink in Georgia. It isn't like Salt Lake where there are four dedicated rinks open year round just in the valley, plus the holiday pop ups. We had to wait for a pop up to open, and then we had to make do with its truly pathetic circumference. Adam and I couldn't even manage a proper race. So lesson learned -- next time, we'll research and drive to more of a metro if needed to get some proper skating.

That said, it was perfect for Makenzie, who joined Adam this year in some of our celebrations. She'd only been skating once before, and not in a long time. I loved watching Adam teach her to skate, although it was strange to lose my skating buddy. We came up with a revision to our typical race, though: Adam and I raced as engines of a train with our not-so-great-at-skating significant others as cabooses. It was a fun way to involve Dave, who is honestly pretty terrible at skating.

Dylan was much improved this year, and Alex is finally gaining some confidence to go along with his already-present skill. I even managed to skate backward a little bit, a feat I have never been able to master despite much patient teaching from my parents and Michelle.

Our only real regret was that we weren't able to stay longer!

New Traditions

Okay, so full disclosure - moving to Georgia has really changed my perspective on holidays. And family. And the importance of putting some serious work into both of these things. I'm realizing how much I relied on my mom, in-laws, and grandparents to bring joy, but as matriarch of our clan here in Georgia, these things now fall to me.

So I'm trying to step it up. But I realize that just continuing the traditions I love may not work for us - for lots of reasons. In no particular order, I'm listing a few of our specific challenges:

• There are only five of us. 
• Three of us are potentially grumpy teenage boys. 
• ADHD impacts everything I do. 
• We aren't in Utah anymore.
• Some of us are not religious.
• Shared custody complicates holidays. 
• My kids acquired a step-dad with traditions of his own. 
• I try really hard to live a low-waste lifestyle and avoid "stuff" as often as I can.

So what is a mom to do? Well, I decided that the only way we'll have traditions is to START some. Yes, Adam rolled his eyes and said, "Mom... I'm turning 17 next month... maybe it's a little late for that?" And sure, Dave said, "Honey, the kids aren't exactly little. Maybe we missed the boat?" And yes, maybe I started a little overzealously with an advent calendar with hidden numbers that corresponded to 12 traditions that may or may not actually make anyone happy...

But THEN, I revised. Thank goodness. Dave could see that this new venture was really not bringing me any joy at all, and let's be honest - 12 different traditions strewn about on the calendar was TOO MUCH for all the ADHD around here, especially mine. So he stopped me in my tracks.

"One party, honey," he encouraged. "Let's take all these great ideas and put them all together onto one day."

"Oh, I can do the 12 hours of Christmas!" I smiled. I hate to see a good theme go to waste. Wisely, Dave encouraged me to divide out the labor and have the kids help. And guess what? We did it!! All twelve items on my list. And in the end, I am happy with all 12. Memorable, rooted in our own histories or looking toward our family's future, expandable, and most of all... 

...Doable.

And with 12 actual days left until Christmas, I am going to give myself the gift of my own memories, thoroughly jotted down beyond the quick Instagram shot. For the next twelve days, stay tuned for:

1. Ice Skating

2. Hot Chocolate

3. Music

4. Yummy Bars

5. Stocking Spree

6. Cinnamon Rolls

7. Christmas Socks

8. Games

9. Puzzle

10. Sugar Cookies

11. Green Elephant Gifts

12. Pot Luck