Help Wanted: Personal Assistant

I kind of really like the idea of having a personal assistant.  You know - someone to do all the stuff I really just don't want to do.  He or she would:

• Arrange the chairs in my classroom at 11, rearrange them for the middle school choir at 12:15, and then put them back how I like them again at 1:15
• Move the wet clothes from the washer to the dryer (I can barely reach in there... c'mon!)
• Hang up my clothes at the end of the day
• Keep track of my keys, wallet, and cell phone
• Charge my camera battery
• Keep my kids' shoes in pairs and in their closets
• Remove items I don't need from my car
• Keep track of library due dates
• Make bank deposits
• Ensure that Alex has one clean pair of pants without holes in the knees ready for each school day
• Bag my groceries
• Fasten my seat belt, lock my front door, and place any needed daily medications in my open palm
• Stock Carmex in my purse, laptop case, diaper bag, primary tote, car, and each coat/jacket pocket; remove Carmex before I do the wash
• Prompt Adam through the first several sentences he seems to always need to say before he gets to the point; cue me when it's my turn to listen
• Organize my electronic files
• Mop the bathrooms
• Clean up spilled drinks
• Make copies
• Keep my water bottle full
• Enter grades into the computer
• Drive carpool home