Where the inside of my mind leaks onto the screen.

Wednesday, November 6, 2019

Artists Challenge

I was nominated by a friend to take part in a theater/artist's challenge to post 10 pictures of moments I felt fierce while performing. But I can't. 

Theater right now for me is a sore spot. My mental health is much improved when I leave those memories shoved tightly down in the brain box I am using to compartmentalize like a champ.

Theater hurts. Because I chose to leave a place I loved in the name of "doing the right thing," and I don't actually think it mattered. Because my goal to be a highly sought after music director in my community was right within my grasp, but Kirk's move to Georgia meant I have had to turn down five paying offers at three different theaters. Because the world of community theater has changed over the last ten years, and I don't have the right communication style to direct in the new landscape. 

I do feel fierce. It just isn't theater that gets me there right now.

I feel fierce when I check my kids' grades and they collectively have no missing work. 

I feel fierce when I meet my savings goals. 

I feel fierce when I look at my postcard collection and know I bought some of the myself. 

I feel fierce when my kids look through my ChatBooks.

I feel fierce when I explain a facet of ADHD in a way that clicks for someone. 

I feel fierce when I fight for the underdog.

I feel fierce when I beat David at a game.

I feel fierce when I watch my kids choose activities that aren't video games.

I feel fierce when someone recognizes my efforts in my classroom. 

I feel fierce when I vote.

No, it's not the challenge Jose intended, but it is the life I've got. And it looks like I have plenty to be proud of!