Where the inside of my mind leaks onto the screen.

Friday, April 18, 2014

Sound Off: 32 Things You Learn Growing Up

I always think of the best stories when reading the numbered lists.  It may not be a chronological (or in any way logical) approach to cataloguing my personal history, but it's fun!

[Read the original viral post here]

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

WRONG!  Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when I realize Kirk has been baiting me all along.  Well, probably not all along.  But as soon as he realizes he's wrong, he continues to argue his point until I realize he's already accepted his wrongness and just continued on to get me riled up.  And it works.  Every. Time.

4. There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

Not only that, but there needs to be a universally acceptable way to type emphasis that works across all platforms (texting, blogging, Facebook).  My favorites include:

  • *This* is a really important word.  (or it's similar buddy: This is a *really important word.)
  • Please place the emphasis /here/.
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5.  I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

I've been thinking (ever since Samsung updated my GPS voice to what I can only describe as the new slutty voice) that I might like to have my GPS narrated by a little kid voice, complete with the preschool "w" for "r" substitution.  After phwee mi-ows, tuwn wight.  I don't know.  It would either be really annoying or really make my day.  :)

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

Right?!  Although I have to say that 2014:The Year of Trying to Be Bored is going swimmingly.  Although I am nowhere near bored, I am far more rested than I've been a good long while.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

Welcome to BoyTrapped.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

I wish!  I call that moment 5:30 pm, when I realize I am already late for dinner {again} and decide to pack up to go home.  There is, however, that moment when I know that there is no physical way that I can have everything I had planned ready for the day.  I call that moment 7:50 am when students start coming into the room.  

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray?  I don't want to have to restart my collection... again.

Two thoughts: A) I don't buy movies.  I really don't like watching them again.  So this really isn't that big of a deal to me.  B) I think it is funny that my parents didn't purchase their first color television, VHS player, or DVD player.  In each case, my grandparents (Casdorph) decided my parents were woefully behind the times and gifted them one.  So, I would be on board for agreeing that whatever comes next, my parents should buy for me.  :)

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

This one reminds me of two things:

I vividly recall our old computer desk that loomed ominously at the top of the stairs on the loft.  To me, it loomed, because computers weren't fun yet.  The computer meant I had some horrid assignment that had to be - *gasp* - typed.  I actually recall the world pre-windows, when I had to type in .dos commands to get the computer to do what it was supposed to do.  But even more vividly I recall the power strip that was mounted on the left of the space between the desk's drawers.  And I remember the distinct feeling of realizing I had yet again bumped its power toggle with my knee.  

You see, I had have a habit of sitting what we could still call "indian style," even when I'm sitting on a chair.  The desk's accompanying chair swiveled, as most office chairs do, and the combined placement of my left knee with the unfortunate swivel function meant I lost many a paper (because pre-Windows certainly meant pre-auto-backup).

Secondly, it reminds me of the only paper I ever wrote for Kirk.  We were engaged, and he was attending the University of Utah.  He called me, clearly upset, and explained the circumstances leading up to the paper he'd just spent hours writing being somehow gone.  When he stated that he had no intentions of re-writing it and that he'd just have to take the grade, I drove to his house and got to work.  He gave me lots of good information to use in his paper about the unfairness of Title IX.  And I wrote.  We both still remember pieces of my epic introduction (quoting Henry David Thoreau and everything).  And I am proud to say it was the only paper I ever wrote for him.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.

In my world, it simply means "I will never buy this."  The only things not washable in our house are the suits.

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

Remember when "keeping" numbers meant memorizing them?  I used to have a head full of them!

My old house: 966-2035
My aunt's number: 280-1009
My other aunt's number: 254-2721
Emilee's house number: 572-0029
Brett's home number: something-something-something 2442?? (That one's getting hazy!)
But there used to be tons of them floating around in there!  JJ's cell number: 599-2761 is probably the last one I memorized, somewhere around 2002.

Wanna know Michelle's number?  Beats me.  But it's in my cell phone!

20. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

I'd be more interested in a "Please read my mind option."  I'm pretty sure we're headed that way.  My phone seems to have identified where I work without me telling it so, and it likes to tell me how long to expect my commute to be whenever I check my phone.  But I still want more.  How about the second that a spicy bacon chicken sandwich crosses my mind, GPS will navigate me to the nearest McDonalds?  

21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

While this is true, especially of old animated films like Bambi, I more frequently wonder why others highly esteem the movies from their childhoods.  I have a pretty solid theory that there are two types of people: those who watched Labyrinth as a child and loved it, and those who watched Labyrinth as an adult and hated it.  If you wondered, I belong to the "hated it" camp.

Then there's the time my dad recommended that Kirk and I watch The Birds.  I get that it was horrifyingly amazing in its time.  But now it's just horrifyingly boring.

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

Only marginally related to the statement above: I always get stopped at red lights.  I know a lot of people say that.  But for me it really is true.  I don't even have to be driving; just riding along with Kirk means he will get stopped at all the lights.  If we're both driving from somewhere and he's driving a head of me, he goes through while I get stopped.  If I'm in front, we both get stopped.  It's so bad that sometimes Kirk threatens to make me walk so he can get places on time.

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front.  Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

Don't call me a jerk!  Sometimes the person who is cutting is not a jerk - just kind of bad at realizing they needed to have changed lanes.  Or sometimes the person tried to get over sooner, but the "stay strong" band started early.  I love the feeling of charity when I let one person in front of me, jerk or not.

29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

An adult dilemma: to lean or not to lean.  As a kid, I was always frustrated when adults told me not to lean my chair back.  Why not?!  Was it really such a big deal?  And it is really comfortable.  Now, as an adult, I see the reasons.  It damages the wall's paint.  It is hard on the chairs.  And I mostly think "Blah, blah, blah..." but then I still have a really hard time feeling okay about leaning my chair back.  First world problems, right?

Well, that's it until I see another viral list that makes me want to share random stories!