Where the inside of my mind leaks onto the screen.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011


On Mother's Day we received the horrible news that one of Kirk's cousins had been found in her bed, dead, after an apparent drug overdose.  Kirk is not particularly close with his extended family, so I did not know her well.  But the loss of any life, especially one so close to mine in age, certainly gives me reason to pause and reflect.

She left behind a little girl, and of course, we discussed the added sadness of having died on Mother's Day.  When someone commented, "I can't believe she would do that on Mother's Day," I took the opportunity to comment on her agency, explaining that I believe she gave up her free agency when she chose drugs.  Even though she had been through rehab more than once, she could never quite regain that agency she'd lost.  No mother would choose to leave her child motherless on any day - holiday or not.  And I firmly believe that on that day, in that moment, the choice was no longer hers to make.

I also believe that our loving Heavenly Father understands the point at which she gave up her agency, and I believe she will be judged only for the decisions she made up to that point.  Not to say there aren't consequences; her death is evidence of that.  But despite the choices she made, I know she has been received into the spirit world and that the pain she must have suffered on earth which led her to those choices has finally been removed.

Many family members have posted "RIP" on Facebook, and I've thought a lot about those simple three words.  "Rest in peace."  There are many left behind who will miss her terribly and who will undoubtably need time to heal.  But Feather's soul has been delivered to her Heavenly Father, and I truly pray that she may rest in peace at last.


Sarah said...

Sorry about the loss. Not that any day is good for that news, but Mother's Day...sad. Interesting thoughts on how much agency is lost and when.

Evette Mendisabal said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. A life taken so young is always a tragedy, no matter the circumstance.

Case Family said...

Wow Andrea your words mean so much, I was close to Feather and to have the thought that she gave up her agency makes so much sents. I was hoping the the birth of her daughter that she would have found the power and the will to want to give up on drugs but I gusse it was a battle that she could not win. What you wrote was writen very beautifully.