Where the inside of my mind leaks onto the screen.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Dreams Explained

I vaguely remember waking up at midnight last night to tell Kirk that one of my recurring dreams which usually ends badly (with me dying) didn't.  I'm not one for omens, but I'll tell you this... it sure felt good to not die.

I can't clearly remember the circumstances of the standard version of the dream, I just know the ending involves me hanging from the rail of one of those roller-coasters where the seats are suspended beneath the track.  The overall path of the track resembles Lagoon's Colossus, and I am somehow riding it just by holding on.

Interestingly, this isn't scary to me.  But as I ride along the left side of the track, a roller-coaster car comes speeding toward me.  It isn't sharing my track, but I can tell its track is coming dangerously close to mine.  I switch to the right side of the track, further from the oncoming car.  I maneuver my body as effectively as possible to avoid collision.  I watch, panic building, as the car quickly approaches.  I can tell that despite my efforts, the car will not miss me.  I am acutely aware that I am about to die.  And I do.

Having had this dream before and knowing so well the ultimate ending, I found myself last night, again suspended from the roller-coaster track.  Only this time, I wasn't alone.  While I held on to the track with my right arm, I held Dylan tightly against my left side.  Before I could even see the oncoming car, my heart began to race.

I consciously knew that this was the part where I normally switched to the right side of the track, trying to give the car more space.  But with one arm around Dylan, I couldn't switch sides.  And with one arm on the track, I couldn't switch Dylan to the safer side.  I felt ill, knowing the way the dream always ends.

I watched.  I waited.  I was terrified, sick, and tense, and there was nothing I could do to protect my baby.  The car came into my sight.  Although it was racing toward us, it took forever to finally come within feet of us.  I felt my body brace for the worst, and then...

It missed us.

My relief, at least as intense as my fear, woke me up.

I whispered a few unintelligible words to Kirk about how a train that usually kills me didn't this time.  When he tried to make order out of my nonsense, I told him to ask me about it in the morning, and I'd probably be able to explain it better.

I suppose I could wonder at what the dream means, and maybe some of you will have ideas.  But  I think I'll just hug my little red-head a little tighter and thank my Heavenly Father that he is mine.