Where the inside of my mind leaks onto the screen.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Holding Still

I'm just so bad at it.  Holding still.  Any pet we've ever had has liked Kirk more, and I like to think that has at least something to do with it.  Good pets like to sit on their owner's laps, and my lap just seems to be hard to find.

After last year's adventures, I've been having a bit of a hard time adjusting to a slower [read: showless] year.  I'm struggling to feel content in the moments of relaxation and feeling resistant to filling them with mundane things like laundry.  I thrive in a social atmosphere, and I'm having to re-learn how to fill my own emotional cup without late-night Village Inn runs.  I even shed a few woe-is-me tears to Kirk over a recent Friday night spent at home.

And I've just decided that with my new calling on the Trek committee and my Tuesday night classes, I'm going to have to give up the auditions I'd been riding my "at-least-I'll-have" hopes on.

Yes, I'm struggling to adjust.  I'm feeling a little too grounded.  I'm fighting crazy hard to get myself to hold still.

But there are so many moments I am glad I'm here for.  We finished The Witches, and I loved reading to my boys, "It doesn't matter who you are or what you look like so long as somebody loves you."  We went and saw The Lorax, and I loved hearing Alex explain that the best part was when the trees grew back, because it was a happy ending.  Dylan has learned to meow.  I love spending time with my adorable redheaded kitten.  My house is less dirt-encrusted.  I am less tired, less cranky, less stressed.

"To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven."  -- Ecclesiastes 3:1

This is my season to learn to hold still.

It's a good thing the view is so cute.


Kris said...

I'm quite surprised about the "showless" year but at the same time I applaud you. I don't applaud the fact that you won't do any shows because you are AMAZING. BUT, I applaud people who choose not to overflow their plates and remain so busy that they can't seem to accomplish anything at all (if that makes any sense).

A few years ago I would agree to anything and do everything and I got so stressed out and felt like I was only doing mediocre work in all areas because there was just too much. Since then, I have become very selective in what I agree or choose to add to my life besides the wife/mother duties.

Can't wait to hear all about the trek. I'm jealous!