Where the inside of my mind leaks onto the screen.

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Sound Off: 10 Boy Mom Musts

You know the drill.  Read the original post here.  Then put up with my rambling as I write whatever comes to mind.

Of course these are all stereotypes and generalizations, but what I've learned being the mom of 3 sons is that if a stereotype happens to be false for one son... I still have 2 chances of it being true for another.  If you've ever assumed it about boys, you're probably right about our house!

#1  "You must love bathtime."
I think someone ought to change the must to a should.  I should love bathtime.  It would make life lots more fun.  But I don't.  When Dylan was a baby, Aunt Heather lived with us and bathed him regularly.  After that, I can guarantee he bathed before church and perhaps on other occasions when the ratio of dirt to child had become an improper fraction.  The good(ish) news is that now that the boys are older, they love bathtime.  Or rather, they love showers.  And now that they can handle this part of day on their own, I am proud to say they shower an average of 6 days a week!  If only I could get them to stop using all the hot water...

#2  "You must think farts are funny."
Hmm... again... I don't!  Clearly I'm not so great at this mom-of-boys thing.  I do think farts are inevitable.  And I do think boys laughing at farts is inevitable.  But since I don't find them funny, I try to use this subject as a chance to teach respect for others' preferences.  "I don't care if you want to laugh about farts with your brothers or your friends, since you clearly find them funny.  But out of respect for your mother, I would appreciate it if you didn't talk (or laugh) about farts around me."  It works really well... until someone farts.

#3  "You must be prepared for the constant - CONSTANT - battle with the toilet."
Gah!  Story of my life!  The recent battle of mine has been to get that adorable middle child of mine to lift the toilet seat to pee.  You think little boys have bad aim?  Imagine how well that goes when he has chosen to reduce the target size.  #1 reason to be grateful for my new house?  I have my own toilet again.

#4  "You must rethink your standards of 'safety.'"
I agree that a lot of moms probably have to rethink.  But I was raised by a man who has decided that rather than walking around the block (or through the new Mecham-Fife Strait) to get from Michelle's house to mine, he will walk a-la-balance-beam along the fence line then drop down into my yard.  I applaud bravery, reward adrenaline driven stupidity, and carefully teach the kids to at least assess the risks.  As I taught Adam last summer, "Just think to yourself, 'What's the worst possible thing that is likely to happen?'  If that worst thing is a broken bone (and there is someone around to go for help), go for it!  If that worst possible likely thing is death, you may want to reconsider."

(The video is okay, but the audio of D as he tries to be as brave as his brother is awesome.)

#5   "You must not be surprised at drama."
I would be willing to but Adam against any girl in a drama-driven crying match.  He literally loses all control and is incapable of calming down.  My rule is, "You are always welcome to cry.  It's normal and natural.  But please do it in your bedroom.  If you want to talk about what is bothering you in a calm and rational way, I am always here."

#6   "You must be prepared for messes."
I'm not sure if this is because I'm the mother of boys or because I'm the mother of Alex.  I really don't even mind messes.  Well, at least not rational ones.  The messes that drive me crazy are the ones that I cannot fathom how they came to be, and they usually involve some sort of destruction of property.  Slashed insulation.  Scratched chairs/tables/assorted furniture.  Forcefully beaten drawers.  Strange things happen at our house when Alex is behaving absentmindedly.  (And nearly all of these could be considered our fault for leaving interesting-looking instruments around the house.)

#7   "You must have a lot of food on hand at all times."
Or be big fans of Golden Corral.  Which we are.

Sidenote: One time I convinced Adam that he was reading it wrong, and that the restaurant is really called Golden Coral.  "Really?" he querried.  "I really thought it was cor-ral..."

But for reals.  Adam eats a ton.  I'm sure the others will follow suit.  And I'm preparing to be the hang-out house, which I know means I not only need to provide for these 3 mouths but for the mouths of their equally voracious friends.

#8   "You must be prepared to go through LOTS. And LOTS. Of JEANS."
Or, in our house, uniform khakis.  I'd like to say its because of holes, but I've actually figured out that department.

(The secret: shop at Sears.  They have an awesome kid guarantee, but if I buy the slightly more expensive Dockers brand pants, they last me the school year anyway.)

Or they would last the school year if Adam would stop pocketing crayons during art.  We are now at 4 loads of ruined laundry, and I told the boys they're just wearing the orange-spotted pants the rest of the year.  And the long-term solution (to be implemented next school year) is that I will be sewing the pockets shut the second I purchase them.

As for holey-pants, that seems right now to be affecting anything Adam wears, but since its because he's constantly down on his knees playing with Tyler and Ryder, it is hard for me to get too frustrated.

#9   "You must be cool with nudity."
I am so grateful to share a home with surprisingly modest young gentlemen.  Sure, they love to sleep as "belly men," meaning without the matching pajama shirt, but we don't really have issues with nudity or even hanging out in their underwear.  Fingers crossed that this trend will continue.  Either way, I draw the line at the table.  If the boys want food, they will show up fully clothed.

#10   "You must get used to 'The Grab.'"

Not going there.  :)

Sure, being the mom of boys comes with some prepackaged adventures, but it also comes with a whole ton of handsome!

Ha ha!  Slightly goofy faces in an otherwise awesome picture.